Jesus Doesn’t Understand – I’m a Woman!

Jesus Doesn’t Understand – I’m a Woman!

When we were kids, my brother and I listened to this one Mark Lowry CD—over and over and over. And there was one song on it that we hammed up big time.

“Mary, Did You Know?”

It has become rather popular in the Christmas world of pageants and plays.
I have seen it done well—and not so well (mainly in our own living room).

I had no idea back then why that song was so popular…

My daughter is 19 months old.
(I am now one of those parents who counts months, oy vey!)

Last night, for the first time in a long time, I rocked her to sleep.
No particular reason other than I haven’t really seen her much since finals has kicked into gear.

And, for the first time in weeks, I sat in silence.

In case you haven’t noticed, the blogging has been fairly nonexistent for some time now. I just haven’t had anything to say. I’m a big “do everything out of overflow” person. I can’t just make stuff up.

So, on a little twist of Flower’s words, “If I don’t have anything good to say, I shall say nothing at all”. (Name that movie!)

But, in silence, the wheels have started turning.

I have, for most of my short adult life, wrestled with God about how there are some things He just doesn’t understand.

“This High Priest of ours (Jesus) understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin” Hebrew 4:15

I have always struggled with this…because Jesus was a man.
Sexist, perhaps. But it’s true.

How could He understand some of what I was/am going through?! There is no way.

Last night, I sat rocking—holding my heart in my hands—singing “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel…”My daughter's shadow

I wrestled once more.

A wife. A mother. A medical student.
Life is good, yes.
But He could never actually understand.

…He could never understand this anguish. Holding my heart in my hands, knowing that everyday she becomes more and more independent of me. Knowing that she was sent for a greater purpose, and wondering if I will equip her well enough to fulfill it. Does she really know that she is loved? Should I feed her fewer cookies? Should I really be rocking her to sleep at this age?

The questions. The pressure. The guilt of not having enough time…of being young and inexperienced…

He could never understand this…

And then it clicked (and this is probably where the tears became waterfalls).

Mary understood.

Mary knew what it was like. To hold her heart in her hands, knowing that He was sent for a greater purpose. Wondering if she was good enough as a mother. Does He know that He is loved?

The questions. The pressure. The guilt of not having enough time…of being young and inexperienced…

And this, Jesus knew.

He saw her flaws, her insecurities, her shortcomings—just as our children see ours so plainly.

He knew the pain she would have to undergo as He fulfilled His call on this Earth and beyond. It’s why He placed her in the care of His most trusted friend.

Mary knew the pains of love—and the pains of letting go.
And, I would imagine, that as Mary’s heart broke, so did Jesus’.

While He may not have gone through the physical strains of labor—He endured the cross. And He knows what it’s like to be rejected in spite of His sacrifice.

How much pain could He have saved His own mother and loved ones by choosing a different path…of not walking the Via Dolorosa…of calling down the angels instead…of not trudging through medical school…

But He didn’t. He followed the call.
To hell and back, in the midst of His loved ones pain. He went.

And, while Mary lamented her loss, she let Him go.

There are so many truths about this…but the one I see so clearly for the first time is in the Scripture that always seemed so…well…wrong.

“That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it.”
(Hebrews 4:14-16)

Mary Did You Know

Comments ( 19 )

    • Thanks! I still get teary-eyed thinking about it.

    • Thanks! I still get teary-eyed thinking about it.

  • Nedra

    Stephanie,
    I hardly ever comment on something that I’ve read. And I admit, I have only read your blog a couple of times, when something has intrigued me from facebook. This post, however, speaks to me. I can remember holding my son when he was just a couple of weeks old and wondering how I could ever let go of him long enough to allow him to grow up and become an independent person. Thankfully, God provides a way. I too wonder if in my trying to hold on just a little bit longer, I am in some way doing something that will ultimately be bad for him. What I have learned is to just hold your child every opportunity that you have. Especially as they are stretching their legs to become more and more independent from you. You are there security to grow in this manner. The song, Mary did you know, always touches me. I think she did know what was in store for her son, yet she still held him whenever she could, was always there for him, even at the end, and helped him grow in independence to face what his future held for him. Sometimes when life gets too rushed, we forget this. Thanks for the reminder.

    • Thanks for posting. It means a lot that you would take the time to do it! And you’re so right…and it’s good to hear that from a momma who gets that….kind of reaffirms what I’m trying to do 🙂

  • Nedra

    Stephanie,
    I hardly ever comment on something that I’ve read. And I admit, I have only read your blog a couple of times, when something has intrigued me from facebook. This post, however, speaks to me. I can remember holding my son when he was just a couple of weeks old and wondering how I could ever let go of him long enough to allow him to grow up and become an independent person. Thankfully, God provides a way. I too wonder if in my trying to hold on just a little bit longer, I am in some way doing something that will ultimately be bad for him. What I have learned is to just hold your child every opportunity that you have. Especially as they are stretching their legs to become more and more independent from you. You are there security to grow in this manner. The song, Mary did you know, always touches me. I think she did know what was in store for her son, yet she still held him whenever she could, was always there for him, even at the end, and helped him grow in independence to face what his future held for him. Sometimes when life gets too rushed, we forget this. Thanks for the reminder.

    • Thanks for posting. It means a lot that you would take the time to do it! And you’re so right…and it’s good to hear that from a momma who gets that….kind of reaffirms what I’m trying to do 🙂

  • Our children can be used by God to teach us so much. Thanks for posting what you have learned!

    • Of course! It’s such an honor to be walking this life!!!

  • Our children can be used by God to teach us so much. Thanks for posting what you have learned!

    • Of course! It’s such an honor to be walking this life!!!

  • Meygan

    Just read this for the second time- it really got the water works going this time. I’m unsure why it was so much more touching this time. Maybe because of work/school/kids activity leaves very little time at home or really 1:1 or even 1:2 time with the kids that isn’t distracted by something. And this is something I have been struggling with here lately. Great insight! Love that song btw!

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